Come Home To Me
by Shannz
Summary: Superman Returns . . . a little earlier. Imagine if that trip to Krypton had only taken a year. How would returning four years earlier change things for everyone?
1. Chapter 1

**Title: **Come Home to Me

**Genre: **Angst/Drama

**Pairing: **Lois/Clark

**Summary: **Superman returns . . . a little earlier.

**Warning: **Adult situations, mild in my opinion, but didn't want to shock anyone. Reference to a scene in Superman II.

**Disclaimer: **Unfortunately none of these characters belong to me. They belong to DC Comics and others. However, I take complete responsibility for what I'm about to do to them :)

Note: This is part I of II parts and will stand alone. As much as I'm tempted this will not be a multi-chapter fic. Hopefully it wont be too long of a wait for the next part.

'Where Has He Gone?'

Clark stood gazing at the framed, gilded headline in the lobby of the Daily Planet, an echo of the guilt and uncertainty that had been his inner conflict at the time of his departure suddenly resurfacing. Around him patrons and employees ebbed and flowed in fluid streams of foot traffic, swirling around him as if he were a rock within the babbling brook of morning commuters.

Regret momentarily marred Clark's handsome features as he stood staring at the article and the black and white picture of Superman. Had anyone been so inclined to take notice of him in that moment, they may have been struck by the uncanny resemblance he shared with the man in the photo. The likeness, however, was fleeting as Clark Kent easily slipped back into the role of clumsy reporter - ready to start his first day back to work.

Seemingly heedless of the hustle and bustle around him, Clark retrieved the oversized luggage at his feet and pressed into the crowd toward the elevator. Oblivious to the battered and bruised knees and hindquarters in his wake he lumbered awkwardly towards the sliding doors, shifting one large suitcase under his arm as he called out.

"Hold please!" Trying in vain to reach the obviously full elevator, Clark was surprised when someone actually held the door for him.

"Thank you." Stumbling in with his cargo, he reached to shake the man's hand – the young gentleman who was by now showing serious doubts as to the wisdom of that decision – and instead managed to drop his rather heavy suitcase directly on the man's foot.

"Oh. Ummm." Clark grasped the handle and lifted its weight as he continued. "I'm terribly sorry." He apologized sincerely, noting that the man was obviously pained yet still managed to offer a small good-natured smile.

A collective sigh of impatience filled the confined space as the door attempted to close again but caught on Clark's other suitcase. Appearing horrified at causing this unintentional delay, he grabbed the offending parcel and slid it quickly out of the way and into the huddled crowd.

A hiss of pain caused him to turn wide eyed to a young lady who held her stubbed foot protectively in the air. Flustered, he pushed his glasses further up on to the bridge of his nose and opened his mouth to apologize yet again.

She silenced him quickly with a raised hand, the look on her face indicating that whatever it was he was about to say – she wanted to part of it.

Looking as apologetic as possible, Clark cleared his throat and turned to face the now closed doors as the elevator began its ascent. After a moment of strained silence - when fourteen people all crammed into the same tiny space did their best to ignore each other – Clark suddenly remembered the kind gentleman who'd held the door for him.

When he offered a big grin and a pleasant wave, it appeared at first that the man would ignore him. Common courtesy won out however, and the young man met his gaze steadily with a genuine smile. He had a pleasant and open face and it was obvious that he found Clark's animated antics more a source of amusement than an annoyance.

"Richard." The man introduced himself, extending a hand. "Richard White."

Clark's brows arched in surprise. He'd heard that name before. "Not Perry's Richard?" He inquired as he firmly shook the proffered hand. Perry rarely spoke of his family, or anything personal for that matter, yet he'd often mentioned his young protégé nephew.

It was Richard's turn to look surprised. "One in the same." He regarded Clark a little curiously, not entirely comfortable with the familiarity. "And you would be..?"

"Oh," Clark looked abashed at forgetting to introduce himself. "Kent. Clark Kent. Nice to meet you."

Richard looked at him closely, brow furrowed, but there was a definite twinkle in his eye as he responded. "Not Jimmy's Mr.Kent?"

Richard's smile broadened at Clark's startled and confused look. "Not the Clark Kent that has been on extended hiatus in a soul searching expedition to the far corners of the earth?"

Ah. Richard saw understanding dawn in his eyes. "Jimmy hasn't shut up about you since he heard you'd be returning to the Planet."

Clark managed to look both embarrassed and pleased at this news and let his gaze slide away. At least someone other than his mother was excited about his return. He couldn't stop the small flutter of butterflies in his stomach as he thought about Lois' reaction.

"So..?" Richard asked. "How long have you been gone?"

He snapped himself back to the conversation. "Uh…Just a little over a year."

"Well, it shouldn't be too hard to get back into the swing of things." Richard replied optimistically. "It's not like you've been gone for five years?"

Clark barely restrained himself from blanching at the thought. A year had been long enough. Nodding in agreement the two shared an agreeable conversation for the remainder of the brief ride – bar the numerous stops and shifting of luggage along the way.

Together he and Richard stepped of the elevator and into the familiar noise and organized calamity of the newsroom. Clark took a deep breath and savored the chaos. For the first time since his return, other than waking in his bed at the farm, Clark felt a sense of home. Like he truly belonged. Here, he was just Clark, the mild mannered reporter that was easily lost or missed in the shuffle of people and paper.

"Nice to meet you, Kent." Richard was already edging away, presumably towards his office. "If you need anything, anything at all, my office is right over here."

Clark nodded in thanks but was already scanning the room for Lois' petite figure and the beautiful chocolate waves that framed her face. He was disappointed when she was nowhere to be found. The smile returned to his face however, as he spotted Jimmy.

"Ooops. Sorry. Excuse me." Clark bumped and banged his way towards the young photographer, baggage still in hand.

"Kent!" Richard called out just as he was about to surprise Jimmy.

Jimmy leaped from his seat with such alacrity that he knocked his camera from its perch on the corner of the desk. Clark caught it easily before it hit the floor.

"Whoa…good reflexes." Richard noted his comment drowned out by an enthusiastic Jimmy.

"Mr. Clark! Mr. Kent!" Jimmy corrected himself, his face alight with genuine pleasure in Clark's presence. "You're back!"

"It's good to see you, Jimmy." Clark responded with an answering grin.

"Olsen!" Editor-in-Chief Perry White called impatiently from his office.

Looking immediately apologetic, Jimmy responded to the command. "Right…" He looked torn and Clark gave him an understanding look. He knew as well as anyone that it was never a good idea to keep Perry waiting. "I'll be right back and we'll get you settled." Jimmy promised as he took off.

"Do you need a place to store those?" Richard asked in reference to Clark's luggage once Jimmy had disappeared.

"Oh? Ummm," Clark was legitimately surprised at the offer. "Sure."

"I thought you might. Here," Richard grabbed them both and started back to his office, tossing a look at him over his shoulder as if to ask what-the-hell-do-you-have-in-here-anyways? "I'll keep 'em safe and out of the way for you. They'll be in the corner by the window when you need them."

"Gee, thanks." He said, but Richard was already gone.

Jimmy returned moments later bearing a rather humble and partially eaten cake.

"Welcome back, Mr. Kent" He presented the cake to Clark with obvious pride, despite the missing piece. "I made it myself."

"Jimmy, you really shouldn't have," Clark responded. "It looks . . ." Jimmy suddenly looked the part of an uncertain little boy as he awaited the verdict. "Delicious." He finished, much to Jimmy's delight.

"Olsen!"

Jimmy set the cake on his desk and reached for the proofs he'd forgotten to take with him on the first trip to Perry's office.

"I've got to…" Again looking sorry for having to abandon Clark so quickly on his first day back Jimmy started back to Perry's office.

"Wait!" Clark called, unable to stand not knowing any longer. "Jimmy, do you know where I can find Lois?"

"Oh," Jimmy stopped fully, looking a tad uncomfortable, which caused Clark a sudden unease. "She's, ah, not here." This stating of the obvious caused Clark's midnight brows to rise in askance. _Where is she?_

Jimmy looked undecided for a moment; uncertain as to how much information he should give. Clark's concern must have been written all over his face as Jimmy continued in a rush. "She's okay." He assured him quickly, and then added, "Ms. Lane's just taken a . . . leave of absence."

Whatever Clark had been expecting, that wasn't it. _Leave of absence? Lois? _He could tell by the tone of Jimmy's voice that there was more to it than that, but the young man had already fled to Perry's office with his photos.

Disturbed by this news, Clark did his best to not let it show. Lois was safe. He was sure of that much. He would simply have to wait for the details. He looked around the newsroom for an empty desk to claim. It took a few minutes to find, as the space was obviously being used for storage and was loaded with various files and research. Were it not for the little name plaque half buried under a toppled stack of manila folders, he would never have known it was meant for him. The corner of his mouth lifted in a fond smile, unexpectedly touched by Jimmy's thoughtfulness.

The remainder of the day consisted of setting his work area to rights, lunch with Jimmy – who gave no further details on Lois' leave, even when gently prodded – and delving into his first assignment. The last of which had given him considerable pause and renewed appreciation for his timely return.

After less than a year in prison, Lex Luthor had somehow managed to finagle a cursory meeting with the Metropolis Parole Board for early release, based on good behavior, of course. Clark had spent the entire afternoon on the phone checking into Luthor's prison record, visitation logs, and with several members of the parole board.

Unfortunately, time spent in research did not always yield desired results – especially when the involved sources were reluctant to share information. How, after serving less than a quarter of his sentence, did Luthor manage to wrangle his way to a hearing? He would find out and put a stop to it one way or another – of that he was certain.

"Working overtime already, huh?" Jimmy had his coat over his arm and was obviously preparing to leave. Clark hadn't realized just how late it was until the photographer's hand fell on his shoulder.

"Oh, ah...?" Clark allowed himself to look a little frazzled, and pulled himself from the notes on his desk. "Yeah, something like that."

After politely refusing Jimmy's sincere invitation to dine with he and his mother, Clark shut down his computer and wrapped up the day's work. A few others lingered in the office tapping at their keyboards, and he noticed that Perry was still hard at work as well. He let himself into Richard's office, who it appeared had long since left, and retrieved his luggage. The first item on his evening agenda – find a hotel. The second and most important – find Lois.

An hour and a half later Clark found himself on the sidewalk outside Lois' building. He'd walked around the block twice already and knew perfectly well that he was stalling. It would be so much easier to just fly to her penthouse apartment, not to mention a grander entrance – but as far as the world was concerned, superman had not yet returned. And if he were honest with himself, he preferred to face her first as Clark, the friend who had regrettably left without word – rather than Superman, the lover who had betrayed and then abruptly abandoned her. The fact that she had no memory of the latter did little to ease his feelings of guilt.

It wasn't that simple, he knew. But Lois was a cut to the chase kind of woman, as anyone who knew Ms.Lane with more than a passing fancy could attest to. Lois tended to see things much like the photos that accompanied Perry's headlines – in black and white. That coupled with the fact that she was completely unpredictable, something that he'd always loved about her, was setting him on edge. He wasn't used to feeling legitimately anxious or unnerved. As Clark he feigned it any number of times – but to feel it truly, in the pit of his stomach or in the pounding of his heart – only Lois could undo him so.

Taking a deep breath, Clark entered the lobby and made for the stairs. Fifty-seven flights should give him more than enough time to calm and center himself. Yet with each level, the sweet fluttery feeling of anticipation continued to grow. The memory of her lips beneath his was startlingly vivid, and he could almost feel the heat of her body pressed close to his. So powerful was the recollection, that he paused in the stairwell, eyes closed.

For a brief moment in time, the rest of the world had simply ceased to exist. He'd taken her to his fortress and in a shimmering cloud of silver they had explored and mapped each other's bodies slowly - finding each and every hidden spot of desire. She had a spot on her shoulder, close to her collarbone, when nibbled gently that would cause her to gasp and arch her back beautifully. He had found himself in a haze of heightened arousal when she wrapped those wonderfully smooth legs around him from behind and lightly kissed the nape of his neck, stroking the sensitive skin with the tip of her tongue. He'd moaned, deep and low, the pressure around his waist tightening as he trembled in her arms.

Her skin was silky smooth and warm against his back, the firm fullness of her breasts pressed close as she clung to him. His head lolled back against her shoulder. Grasping his chin, Lois turned his face away and suckled the soft patch of skin beneath his ear. Unaware of the small noises of pleasure emanating from his throat, he'd surrendered to her completely.

Clark opened his eyes and swallowed, noticeably affected by the memory. It was obvious that he had been the more inexperienced of the two. Yet somehow Lois had managed to both guide him and submit to him at the same time. She gave of herself so completely, that he never questioned giving her the same in return. They'd fallen asleep exhausted and sated in each other's arms, waking to renew their passion every few hours. Almost as if each knew, then, that it would be the only night they would ever share.

Sobering, Clark continued upward. He still had doubts about erasing her memory and couldn't help but wonder if he'd done the right thing. Exiting the stairwell and strode purposefully to Lois' door. He could barely wait to see her. Suppressing the instinct to peer through the wall and invade her privacy he settled for knocking instead. Just as he was about to make contact, he heard muffled voices on the other side and the door suddenly opened.

The departing visitor had a look of surprise that he was sure was mirrored on his own face. Lois stood frozen, still as a statue, pale with shock. Her guest was the first to recover.

"Clark?" Richard's voice was polite but curious.

"Oh. Um…Hello, Richard." Clark stammered unintentionally. "How's the foot?" It was really all he could think to say, peripherally aware of Lois' gaping expression but unable to focus on her just yet.

"Actually," Richard responded with a convincing air repressed pain, taking the weight of his foot. "I believe you may have fractured my big toe."

Clark's eyes went as big as saucers in mortification, but before he could verbalize an apology of any sort, Richard let him off the hook.

"Just kidding, big guy." Clark's relief was evident as Richard gave him a familiar cuff on the arm.

Lois's continued silence was hard to ignore and both men looked to her in concern. She stood staring unblinkingly at Clark, who finally met her gaze.

"Hello, Lois." If possible she paled further at the sound of his voice, looking faint.

"Lois?" Richard was immediately at her side, alarmed. "Are you all right?"

His touch seemed to break her trance and she blinked several times, allowing Richard to support her. Finally pulling her gaze from Clark she turned to him.

"Yes. Yes . . . I'm fine." Noticeably pulling herself together, Lois stood on her own and released Richard's arm. "Thank you." He noticed that she couldn't seem to tear her eyes away from Clark for more than a few seconds.

There was an awkward moment of silence and Richard found himself confused by the underlying tension between the two former partners. Jimmy had talked non-stop about what a great team Lois and Clark had made, but he never got the impression that there was anything more to their relationship.

"Can I get you anything? Some water?" He asked still worried, and obviously confused by her reaction to Clark.

"No." Lois forcibly pulled her gaze from Clark and turned to Richard. She smiled shakily, distracted. "I'm fine, really. Thank you . . . for stopping by."

It was an obvious if polite dismissal, and Lois turned to her newest visitor, acknowledging him stiffly.

"Come in, Clark."

As he exchanged places with Richard on the threshold, their eyes met momentarily. Each saw in the other a potential friend turned rival. Obviously uncomfortable about leaving, Richard cleared his throat. Their budding relationship was too new; he would not question her decision.

"Goodnight, Lois." He leaned forward and kissed her cheek lightly, heartened when she met his gaze and smiled. He left, with a final uncertain glance at Clark.

Lois closed the door and stood silently staring at it with her back to him.

"Gee, Lois." He started, sensing that something was off with her behavior. "You had me worried . . ."

He paused as she turned quickly away from him and walked to the far side of the room, still with her back to him.

"A leave of absence?" He continued hesitantly, his eyes following her. "Are you ill?"

She snorted as if amused and finally turned to look at him, eyes narrowed. He realized with a sudden start that she was angry with him. Lois opened her mouth to speak, but whatever it was she was about to say, she apparently decided better of it and remained silent. Instead, she began to pace back and forth, in quick, agitated steps, arms folded in front of her.

Dressed for bed, Lois wore a matching gown and robe of silky champagne that flowed to her ankles. The russet waves of her hair was pinned in the back, but a few loose tendrils had come loose and floated down to frame the delicate features of her face. She looked tired, but beautiful, he thought.

"Lois," He tried again, unsettled by her silence. "Are you alright?"

"Am I alright?" She asked in disbelief at the question and then again more sarcastically. "Am I alright?" She threw him a seething look and he visibly flinched. It was never a good sign when Lois repeated herself.

He cleared his throat, not sure how to proceed. His uncertainty only seemed to inflame her further and she abandoned her pacing to stalk across the room and stand directly in front of him. Again - it appeared she wanted to say something, but couldn't find the right words. She stood staring up at him defiantly, a storm of conflict raging in her eyes.

"Lois," He began, but got no further. With a surprisingly quick movement, she reached up and plucked the dark framed glasses from his face. He was still reeling from the shock of this action when she drew back her arm and slapped him, hard, across the face. Unconsciously, his hand went to the offended area and he looked at her, incredulous.

"How could you just leave _us _like that!"

To be concluded in part II.

**A/N: I know. So I thought 'This Kiss' was going to be it for me and back I go to the realm of Star Wars. Well, it turns out that while 'Kiss' was the more realistic outcome for that piece based on the movie, it did nothing to satisfy my need for a happy ending. Perhaps this will suit me (and you) better ;) **


	2. Chapter 2

**Part II**

Her voice trembled with something much deeper than anger. Lois stepped away from him, obviously needing to put some distance between them.

"Lois . . . I," Clark retrieved his discarded glasses from the floor and fumbled to put them on, inwardly struggling with the implications of her words.

"Don't!" She said, voice warring between threat and desperation. He froze with the thick frames halfway to his face.

Sighing softly, he set them aside. "Lois . . ." Beneath the regret that colored his words was a silent plea for understanding. He knew he could be nothing but honest with her. "How much do you remember?"

The tension in her petite frame eased dramatically at his acknowledgment, yet her voice remained cold. "Enough."

One dark elegant brow rose at her deliberately vague response, but he didn't press. Clark watched as she started pacing again, her steps now slow and thoughtful.

"How did you . . ?" Just when he thought it was safe to speak she rounded on him again and cut him off.

"What?" She demanded loudly. "How did I what? Figure it out?" She asked, noticeably lowering her voice.

Afraid that anything he may say would inflame her further, he merely nodded.

She uttered a small, humorless laugh and went back to her pacing. "You really must think I'm an idiot."

"Lois…"

"Granted," She continued. "It took me longer to make the connection than it should have. Some investigative reporter I am, huh?" The last was muttered more to herself as she glared at him.

"Lois . . ." Clark started again, wondering if he was ever going to get a chance to explain, as she cut him off, again.

"First my partner leaves. No farewell, no howdy-doody, no so long, Lois. Nothing. I just come in to work one day to find his desk empty. And then, Superman mysteriously disappears, just . . . vanishes from the face of the earth." She tossed her hands in the air as she walked, and then let them fall to her side, one hand perching on her hip as she continued. "And to top it all off, as if that weren't enough, I start having these crazy dre…" Lois paused suddenly, as if realizing she was about to reveal too much.

"What? Crazy what?" Clark asks worriedly, sensing some change in Lois, but unable to pin point exactly what the cause was.

"Nothing. Never mind." Lois quickly regained control of the discussion and guided it back to him.

"You didn't even say good bye." Her voice was quietly controlled. Hurt and anger both vied for dominance as she stilled and looked him full in the eye for a long moment before painfully asking, "Why?"

Moved by the hurt in her eyes, Clark took a step toward her, wanting in some small way to offer comfort. The emotions slid from her face and she took a step back, regarding him stonily.

"Didn't I deserve that much from you?" She continued relentlessly, aware that the entire planet as a whole deserved at the very least an explanation, but selfishly acknowledged her own need at the moment. The rest of the world could wait its turn.

Clark looked away, unable to bear the betrayal that was so clear in her eyes. "Yes," He said quietly, feeling the coward for not having been able to face her. Clark visibly struggled with his emotions. The fact that he was hurting as well was all too evident. A traitorous part of her wanted nothing more than to reach out to him, but the rational workings of her mind would allow him nothing until she had some answers.

"I'm sorry," He said sincerely, looking at her from beneath a sweep of long ebony lashes. "I shouldn't have just left."

Lois remained silent as he struggled with the obvious guilt that still plagued him. "It was wrong of me to leave the way I did."

"Then why did you?" The hardness was gone from her voice. Instead it held the hurt that was mirrored in her eyes and a deep longing to understand why he would do such a thing.

"I just . . . I couldn't," He faltered again, uncharacteristically, a vulnerability in his eyes and in his voice touched her and she moved closer. "I couldn't say good-bye." His eyes slid away as if ashamed of the admission. "Not to you, Lois."

Clark continued when she remained silent. "I was afraid that if I saw you . . .that if I didn't go at that moment, that I never would." He tentatively met her gaze again. "And I _had_ to go."

Lois studied him for a long moment, perhaps for the first time considering that he may have had his own reasons for leaving, reasons that had absolutely nothing to do with her or this world that he'd adopted as his home.

"Where did you go?" Lois' curiosity was getting the best of her. While the anger had faded from her voice, it was obvious that she remained cautious.

"To Krypton."

She immediately looked suspicious. "You told me it had been destroyed."

"It was." Clark relaxed just a little, relieved that Lois now seemed willing to listen to him. "But when astronomers thought they found some of its remains . . ."

Lois saw a brief flash of anguish on his face before it was quickly concealed, and found herself wishing that he would allow himself to just _feel_. He didn't always have to be the hero. Not for her.

"I had to be sure." He looked to her, a plea for understanding in his eyes. "I had to know."

Unconsciously her body swayed toward him, longing to offer some form of physical comfort. She held it in check almost ruthlessly. One single, small touch and she feared she would be lost to him. While such a risk may have once been acceptable to her, it no longer was.

"Did you find what you were looking for?" She asked softly. After a small pause he answered.

"That place was a graveyard." Clark was too caught up in the pain of his words to take notice of the thaw in her voice. "There's nothing there for me." Then quietly, "I'm the last."

He met her gaze again and tried to muster a small smile for the sympathy he saw there. Lois looked quickly away, but not before he caught a glimpse of something else in her eyes. A glimmer of something he was hard pressed to define.

"I'm sorry." She said with such deep sincerity that he felt a prickling in the corners of his eyes and had to blink rapidly to prevent any moisture from escaping. He nodded a little in acknowledgment, but remained silent.

Lois no longer paced, but moved about the room as if in deep thought, her bare feet treading soundlessly on the plush carpet. It was obvious that she had something on her mind as he continued to watch her. Relatively comfortable with the silence, Clark gave her the time she needed to find her voice.

"So what happens now? Where does that leave us?" She asked with no trace of animosity as she paused to look at him. "Are you here to stay?"

He looked a little surprised at the question. "Yes. This is my home. Where else would I go?"

She seemed satisfied with his answer, but again Clark picked up on something strange within her eyes. He couldn't escape the feeling that she was testing him or assessing his worthiness – for what, he had no idea.

"And what about us?" She asked at last, only the barest of tremors to indicate her uncertainty in asking the question, though she barely batted an eyelash.

Clark had been both anticipating and dreading the question, and still was not sure as to how he would respond. He found himself very interested in her thoughts on the matter, but was unwilling to admit to himself that anything she said could sway him in the matter.

"What about us?" He asked gently. "Lois," He began, unable to prevent the lump of pain forming in his throat. "You deserve more than I can give you. Someone that can be there for you in a way that I can't."

"Mmm, hmm." She interrupted almost thoughtfully, and then her tone changed to one of mild annoyance. "Really?" She asked as he looked at her. "And just who appointed you as my savior? Who gave you the sole right to make that decision for me?" Lois glared at him, some of the earlier anger returning. "Should I not have some say in the matter?"

Clark could see the simmering of emotion just beneath the surface and sensed the beating of her heart quicken. But beneath all the wild emotion that she was clearly experiencing, there was a calm determination that he didn't quite understand.

He wanted badly to diffuse the situation. "I . . ." Clark thought of defending the action he took in erasing her memory, but in the end decided that it would only incite further wrath. He turned away from her and haltingly continued. "I wanted to spare you the pain of the choice I had to make, Lois."

"Spare me?" She asked incredulously. "Spare me?"

He immediately understood the danger inherent in the repeated words. Instead of diffusing matters, it appeared he was only making them worse. In the face of her impending fury he guiltily refrained from acknowledging that hiding the memory of their short time together had been a spur of the moment decision. A decision that had seemed right at the time and was meant with the best of intentions, but one that he had inevitably questioned and regretted ever since.

"How dare you take away my right to choose?" The quietly restrained nature of the question made it all the more poignant in the silence that followed.

Clark swallowed hard, knowing that she was right. There was nothing he could say to such a statement. The fact that he had her best interest at heart and only wanted to spare her the pain of unavoidable separation were mere justifications at best. Deeply affected by her words, he sat down on the sofa, unable to meet her gaze.

He looked so utterly lost and heartbroken that she began to feel her anger ebb once again. When he looked up at her, as if sensing the change in her demeanor, she was startled to see tears in his eyes. He didn't allow them to fall, but neither did he hide them.

"You're right." He whispered, brokenly. "I'm sorry."

Lois watched him for a long moment as his gaze dropped to his hands, looking for the world like a scolded child. Many times over the past year she had imagined this confrontation. She had drafted many versions of what she would say to him when and if he ever flew back into her life. But none of that seemed to matter now.

Lois Lane was a pragmatist if nothing else. And while she still had serious issues about the memory loss and his disappearing act, there was a much more pressing matter to consider. And if things worked out the way she wanted them to – all else would fall into place. It had to.

Finally, she allowed herself to go to him. Kneeling on the carpet in front of him she placed her smaller hands over his. She smiled softly as his hopeful gaze searched hers.

"I know." She said in response to his apology. She had no doubt as to his integrity and knew without any explanation that what he had done was in some way to protect her. Whether Lois felt she did or did not need such consideration, she was willing to put that issue aside for now. "But you must promise me something."

He took her hands and squeezed them firmly.

"I need you to promise that you will never do that to me again." Her voice and gaze remained steady as she continued. "Ever. Under any circumstance. Do you understand?"

Clark looked deep into her eyes and caught a glimpse of the pain he had inadvertently caused. He remembered the guilt and shame he had felt after the kiss that had taken her memories. Already he had vowed to himself that he would never do such a thing again. It was easy to make her the same promise.

"You have my word." He responded solemnly. "Never again, Lois."

She smiled at him, and it was if the sun had broken through the clouds. His heart filled with the same warm tenderness that it always did within her presence. Clark could see in her eyes the same love that mirrored his. But it was a love that could not be. And with that thought, he dropped his gaze.

Lois faltered when he looked away, but only momentarily. What she had seen in his gaze was enough to convince her that he wanted her nearly as much as she wanted him. It was enough. Boldly, she pushed ahead, intent on securing a future – for all of them.

"Do you love me, Clark?" She asked, still kneeling before him.

His gaze snapped back to hers, eyes wide. It was clear that he was pondering just how to answer the question. Lois watched the play of emotions across his face, sensing his dilemma. He didn't want to lie, but was also afraid of hurting her by admitting his feelings and then follow it up with the knowledge that they could never be together. Lois smiled inwardly and decided to spare him the torment. It was clear to her that they both wanted the same thing – it was just going to take a little more effort on her part to convince him that it could be a reality.

"You want me." She said frankly. "I can see it in your eyes."

Guiltily, he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, throwing caution to the wind. "Never in my life have I wanted anything more than I want you, Lois."

She squeezed his hands and he opened his eyes as she released them and stood. "Good." She said, sounding extremely satisfied with his answer.

It occurred to him only a second later that she may have interpreted his response in a way other than he'd intended. "Lois," He came to his feet, worried that he may have unintentionally given her false hope.

She raised a hand to quiet him. "Please," She said firmly. "Don't say anything. Not yet." For the first time since he'd entered, Lois appeared uncertain. Yet her voice remained calm and steady. "I have something I want to show you."

He quelled his comments and nodded, curious. When she left the room he turned to the sliding glass doors of the balcony and let his gaze wander over the sparkling blanket of lights that covered Metropolis. It was a long moment before she returned and he was still gazing out into the night when she spoke behind him.

"I'd like you to meet someone."

He turned at her voice, unconsciously smiling at the site of her, and then froze.

She continued to approach him, seemingly unaffected by his obvious shock, stopping in front of him.

She looked up into wide beautiful eyes "Say hello . . . to your son."

He forgot how to breathe. In fact, he seemed incapable of any coherent thought or movement at all. It was sheer instinct that brought him to life when she placed the powder fresh bundle into his arms. He cradled the child awkwardly to his chest, eyes still wide.

"I'll be back in a minute."

Lois hid her smile at the wild look of desperation he cast at her as she left the room. He needed a moment alone with their son, and she needed a moment just to pull herself together. She'd dreamt of this very scenario numerous times, and now that it was here, she could hardly believe it. In the privacy of the bathroom she leaned back against the door, her hand going to the base of her throat. She closed her eyes, feeling the rapid pulse flutter beneath the palm of her hand. _It's not a dream this time_, she reminded herself. It real. It's really real. She took a deep breath and regarded her flushed countenance in the mirror. Lois let loose the small smile that wanted to break free. Bracing her hands on the counter she looked deep into the sparkling eyes shining back at her.

_I can do this_, she thought.

It had been months since her memories of their time together had returned. During that time she'd come up with various and numerous scenarios as to how, if Superman ever did return, this could all play out. At first, when her anger was new and fresh, her fantasies would all end badly. She would never speak to him again and he would never know that he had a son. Just the thought, at the time, had been enough to give her a strange sense of cold satisfaction - a way to get back at him for leaving. It didn't matter that he had no idea of the child's existence or that she had no idea why he really left. The only thing that mattered was that he was not there.

Eventually, her feelings began to change. As the love for her unborn child began to grow, so too did her yearning for his father. She began to imagine what she would say, how she would react when and if he did return. Lois knew herself well enough to know that once she got beyond the emotions of all that had passed between them that only one thing really mattered. They shared a child together and more than anything – she wanted the three of them to be a family. Once she was able to admit this to herself, most of her thoughts centered on how to make it happen. There was no argument that he could come up with that she hadn't already prepared for.

Acknowledging the determined glint in her eye with a slight nod to her reflection, Lois took another deep breath and returned to the living room. Clark had moved to the sofa and was still cradling the sleeping form of their son. He looked up as she entered and her heart was warmed by the wonder and love she saw within his eyes. She couldn't help but smile fondly at the picture they presented as she seated herself at the end of the sofa, tucking her feet beneath her.

Clark didn't speak for a long time. Lois knew that he had questions, but was content to let him get to them in his own time. Right now he was happily mapping and memorizing each and every detail of the infant's appearance. He had adjusted his hold on the child and both appeared much more comfortable than that first awkward moment when she had dropped the baby into his arms.

Finally, he looked to her, his face filled with adoration. "How did this happen?" His tone still held the wonder that was reflected in his eyes, not a hint of doubt existed as to her claim of the child's paternity.

She quirked a suggestive eyebrow, but refrained from commenting. He caught her meaning however and blushed, rather charmingly, she thought. "I mean I know how it happened but . . ." He looked away from her amused gaze and back down to their son. "How could it have happened?"

"It only takes once, Clark." She answered, all traces of humor gone. She looked across the room and out the window as she continued. "The way things happened…I didn't really have time to consider contraception." She looked down at her hands, suddenly feeling very uncertain of his thoughts. "I didn't . . . it wasn't planned."

Clark looked absolutely mortified at her words. With his free hand he reached across the sofa and took hers, entwining their fingers as he did so. "I would never think that, Lois."

A tremulous smile returned and she squeezed his hand. Clark waited until he could see evidence of his reassurance in her eyes before he returned his attention to the baby.

"What do you call him?" He asked, looking into the sleeping cherubic face.

Lois moved closer, settling next to him. "Jason. His name is Jason."

Clark's smile broadened at the name. "I like it. It suits him." Lois chuckled and placed her hand on his shoulder as they both lovingly watched their son.

"It does, doesn't it?" She agreed. "Isn't he the most perfect thing you've ever seen?" She asked, though it was more a statement than a question.

Jason gave a rather adorable little baby grunt and shifted position, one arm settling above his head as he turned and nestled more solidly into the warmth of Clark's chest.

Mesmerized by the tiny features and plump cheeks, Clark could only agree. "Perfect."

Lois leaned into him, head resting lightly on his shoulder. "I realize it's probably a little hard to tell at the moment, but he has your eyes."

When Clark remained silent and the muscle beneath her hand tensed, she looked up into his sorrowful gaze. If she hadn't consciously forgiven him for leaving, she did so now. Never had she seen such a pained expression on his face.

"I am so sorry," He began, the words heartfelt and quiet. "I never would have . . ." His voice broke and he paused before continuing. "You should not have had to go through this alone. I'm sorry for not being here for you . . . and for him." His gaze returned to Jason as he finished.

Lois reached for the dimpled chin and forced him to meet her gaze. Stroking the smooth skin beneath her thumb, her voice was soft, but sure. "What matters is that you're here now."

"We are your family," Lois continued, infusing a mixture of love and authority into her words. "Jason and I." And then with a barely noticeable tremble, she added, "If you'll have us."

The look Clark gave her was unfathomable, leaving her with no doubt as to the measure of his desire for such a possibility. And while there was an undeniable mixture of joy and hope in his eyes, there continued to linger a stubborn resistance as well. When he opened his mouth to speak Lois silenced him, pressing two trembling fingers to warm, smooth lips.

"It's not complicated. Either you want to be with us or you don't."

When he tried to speak again, she applied more pressure, unwilling to be interrupted.

"I understand that you will always have other obligations. I am not so selfish as to presume that you will be ours alone." She let her hand caress his face as she continued. "Superman belongs to the world. And as much as I may like to keep you for myself, I know that such a thing can never be." Lois smiled at the confused but ultimately hopeful look on his face.

She turned slightly and picked up his discarded eyeglasses and carefully slid them back into position, drawing an affectionate grin from him as she slowly pushed them up over the bridge of his nose.

"But you, Mr. Kent," She said, eyes sparkling playfully, belying the seriousness of her words. "You _can_ be ours. We can be yours. Together, we can be a family."

He looked away, conflicted. "It's not that easy, Lois."

"Of course it's not." She replied, though she could sense his resistance crumbling. "Nothing worth having ever is."

"Take this little guy for example," Lois ran her hand lightly over Jason's smooth round head enjoying the feel of baby fine hair against her skin. The tone of her voice changed, as if she were talking to the sleeping child. "You think a month and a half of bed rest and thirteen hours of labor is easy?"

While spoken mildly and in soft baby talk, Clark knew she was addressing him. The comment, while innocent enough, conjured up a mixed array of emotions within him. Guilt, again, for not being here for her. Sadness, for missing out on Jason's pregnancy and birth. And lastly, to his chagrin, jealousy. Irrational as it was, he couldn't help but think of Richard White and wonder just how involved the charismatic young man had been in his son's life.

"In many ways this past year has been the hardest of my life, Clark" Lois' earlier anger was replaced with a calm and heartfelt reserve. "Giving birth was everything I'd ever heard it would be. It was terrifying, exhilarating, and excruciatingly painful."

She took one of Jason's hands and caressed the little palm with her thumb. "When the nurse placed him in my arms that first time . . . I'd never been so scared or so happy in my entire life. It was amazing."

Clark's breath caught at the light in her eyes and the glow that suffused her entire face as she relived the memory. He didn't think it was possible to love her more than he did at that very minute.

"But that wasn't the hardest part." Lois continued, some of the pain returning to her eyes. "I knew that I could raise our child alone if I had to..." Her eyes glistened momentarily and her voice was thick, as she looked to him, unable to continue.

He was heartsick when a single tear, large and round, tracked its way slowly down her beautiful face and she looked down at her hands. "The hardest part was not knowing if I would ever see you again."

Momentarily unable to speak, Clark wrapped his free arm around her and drew her near. Lois let her head rest on his shoulder and felt him press a kiss into her hair. Clark resisted the urge to apologize yet again.

"I'm here now." He said instead, his voice strong and comforting, reminiscent of her earlier words to him." I'll not leave you again."

Lois relaxed against him, letting the warmth of his body infuse her. They sat in comfortable silence for a long time, content for the moment, in the presence of the other.

"I do love you, Lois." Clark finally said. "I think I've always loved you." He felt her go completely still next to him as he struggled to find the right words to explain his concerns.

"I just…I don't want you to have to settle…for me. You deserve someone that can be there for you whenever you need them to be. We both know that I can never be that person. There will be times when I have to just drop everything and leave. There will be many nights when you will sleep and wake alone." Clark paused as if he were as hurt by his words as he expected Lois to be. "You deserve more than what I can give you."

Lois raised her head to look him in the eye. She was as touched by his reasoning as she was exasperated by it. Clark could be so blind sometimes.

"I deserve," She said with conviction. "To spend my life with the man that I love. Just as Jason deserves to know his father." When Clark didn't have an immediate comeback she continued.

"Would you forfeit your place in our lives to another? Could you really do that, Clark?" Lois continued to push, knowing that she needed to hear his response as much as he needed to say it. "Could you bear the thought of someone else making love to me...of someone else raising your child?"

Lois could see the pain her words caused deep within his gaze. When his eyes watered this time, he did nothing to prevent the tears from falling, his voice a tortured whisper. "No."

She cupped his face tenderly, swiping away a tear with her thumb. "We can do this, Clark. We can be a family." Through her own watery eyes Lois smiled at him in relief, convinced that she'd finally reached him.

Clark leaned into her touch, closing his eyes, surrendering at last. Though it seems he could not resist a final word of reason.

"It wont be easy, Lois. You will bear the weight of the sacrifices to be made." His eyes remained closed, as if expecting this would finally make her see what he'd been trying to tell her all along - and now fearing that she would change her mind.

"I love you, Clark." He opened his eyes and looked directly into hers. Lois waited until she had his full and undivided attention, speaking firmly to reiterate her point. "Nothing else, with the exception of Jason, matters. Nothing. I can withstand anything - anything- so long as you will always come home to me."

He found her fierceness adorable, but resisted the urge to smile. There was one other thing he needed to know.

"What about Richard?"

Lois paused, contemplating her answer and decided upon full disclosure of the truth. "Richard is a friend, Clark. A good friend. He's been there for me and for Jason when we needed him." She wanted to make sure that he understood exactly where things stood. "I waited for you. But I wouldn't have waited forever..."

She broke off and they both were left with the realization that if he hadn't come back when he did that it may have been too late. Clark's arm tightened around her and he hefted the small infant higher in his other arm, thankful that by the grace of God that he'd been given this chance.

"I'll always come home to you, Lois." He said softly as he leaned in to kiss her. Warm, willing lips met his and caressed them lovingly. When they parted, Clark could see that a weight had been lifted from her shoulders. Moving out of his embrace, Lois stood and held her hand out to him. Her expression gave nothing away as she waited patiently for him to reach for her.

Clark allowed Lois to help him to his feet, smiling inwardly as she made a cursory check to make sure he was holding the infant properly. Hand in hand they left the living room, Lois shutting the lights off as they went.

"Wait here for second." Lois entered a darkened room, moving about confidently. He soon saw a soft glow as several candles were lit. Standing awkwardly in the doorway cradling the infant, he realized that it was her bedroom. He glanced curiously around the room taking note of the muted colors of beige in honey that made up the decor.

Taking his hand once again, she led him into her room, fighting the urge to laugh at his nervous expression. Really, what did he think she was up to at this hour, and with a child present no less?

She held her arms out for Jason, kissing the top of her son's head as she made her way over to the bed.

"Take your shoes off, Clark. Get comfortable." She tossed over her shoulder as she carefully placed the sleeping bundle in the middle of the bed. Jason squirmed at the loss of body heat, but stilled back into slumber with barely a whimper.

Lois eyed Clark expectantly as he stood unmoving. Finally he obeyed her request and removed his footwear as she came back around the bed to stand in front of him.

"May I?" She asked, reaching for his tie.

Clark nodded mutely, letting her remove both his tie and jacket. Concentrating on divesting him of his clothing, Lois didn't meet his gaze until her fingers settled on the top button of his shirt.

She released a breath she hadn't realized she'd been holding when there was no telltale trace of red and blue beneath his garments. If Clark noticed her relief, he gave no indication as he turned and let her slide the linen from his arms, leaving him in his t-shirt. Before he could turn back, her arms circled him from behind.

Lois held him tightly for a moment, enjoying the solid warmth that he always seemed to radiate. When her hand drifted over the defined muscles of his abs and came to rest on the waistband of his pants, Clark finally looked over his shoulder at her.

There was a sparkle in her eye, but Lois remained silent. He wasn't sure exactly what it was she had in mind, but he decided that whatever it was, it didn't matter. There was nothing she could ask of him that he would not willingly give to her. Sensing his acquiescence, Lois stripped him of his slacks, leaving him clad in only his pinstriped boxer shorts and t-shirt.

She left him at the edge of the bed and walked a slow circle to the other side and stood facing him.

"Will you stay with us?" She asked, the question encompassing so much more than the current moment. Clark understood.

"For as long as you'll have me." He replied, caught off guard by the emotion in his voice.

Untying her robe, Lois let the silky material glide from her arms and draped it over a nearby chair. Climbing onto the bed next to Jason she waited for Clark to do the same on the opposite side. Their eyes met over the tiny form of their son and they both smiled in quiet, contented joy.

As Jason began to stir Clark looked to the squirming bundle in anticipation. "He's waking." There was no hiding the excitement in his voice.

"Mmmm, hmmm. Every four hours like clockwork." Lois replied with obvious maternal love.

When Clark looked to her questioningly she explained. "Feeding time." Looking down at Jason she continued. "This little one is very particular about his grub. He eats every four hours without fail. I swear he's got a little built in timer somewhere in there." Lois said as she opened up the baby blue fleece blanket that the child was wrapped in.

There was a tiny squawk of protest that sounded more like the mewling of a kitten. All four limbs moved in unison and two tiny fists stretched over the infant's head as Jason finally opened his eyes to mere slits. Clark chuckled silently at the amusing little grunts and noises coming from hungry child.

Jason was already politely rooting for food, but his need was not yet desperate. Clothed in an ultra soft pale yellow jumper, Clark was astonished at the size of his son. "He's so small." He knew babies were small, but Jason appeared almost fragile in his size.

At Clark's voice the baby stilled, surprised by the deep baritone. Wide, dark blue eyes gazed up at him, searching the angles of his face with single-minded scrutiny.

Clark smiled and gave into the urge to caress the tender skin. Unfortunately this broke the spell and Jason began rooting in earnest for food, acting for the world like he was ravished and hadn't been fed for hours.

"He is a bit on the small side. I ...we'll have to watch his weight carefully." She amended.

Jason was getting more and more frantic at the lack of sustenance and began to complain loudly.

"Okay. Okay. Shhhhh." Lois moved closer and positioned a pillow behind her back. Slipping the strap of her gown off her shoulder she pulled Jason to her exposed breast and settled the length of him comfortably against her. He latched on with such intensity that Clark looked at her in shock.

Lois laughed unselfconsciously. "I told you. Grub time is serious business."

Propped on his elbow Clark gazed silently at his family. He couldn't help but think of his mother and how happy she would be for him. The thought of bringing them all together and giving Martha the grandchild she so longed for was more than he'd ever hoped for.

Lovingly his eyes caressed Lois' features and followed the golden planes of her skin to where Jason continued to silently suckle.

"I love you." He wasn't even aware he'd said it aloud until Lois met his gaze. She was so beautiful in that moment. He knew the image would forever remain with him.

He had once thought his future to be one sacrifice and loneliness. It very nearly could have been. Clark couldn't help but think back to Lois' earlier words that had made all the difference.

_I can withstand anything...so long as you always come home to me._

"I'll always come home to you, Lois."

**End.**

**I know! I know! I should be flogged for making you wait this long! I'm SO very sorry. I had no idea I had I would have such problems. Computer problems that is. Anyways – thank you for all the encouraging (sometimes very impatient) e-mails inquiring as to whether I would finish this :) I had every intention of doing so. And I do hope that it was worth the wait. I thank you for indulging me while I was on hiatus from SW. I shall return there now as an author but will remain here as a reader. You are a lovely bunch of people and again, I apologize for making you wait.**

**--shan**


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